2 A.M. And I'm Still Awake, Writing a Blog...

Yes, it is seriously after two in the morning, and yes, I am seriously writing a blog entry right now. Like Cartman, I am seriously, you guys.

This will probably be the last entry for a while, partly because (as evidenced by my writing this right now) I am slowly but surely losing my freaking mind, and partly because I will actually be busy during the next week or so. With, like, actual work. I want to throw up just thinking about it.

I've always known I was lazy, but I always thought that my completely genuine hope and ambition for a future would overcome that. I was wrong. I cannot get off my lazy ass to finish applying to colleges. Being accepted to SF State so early may turn out to be the worst thing that could have happened, because in addition to being lazy I am now somewhat complacent. Dangerous combination.

Also, I am going out of my mind. Because I cannot say why that is the case. Which is causing me to go even further out of my mind. I am not in control of anything emotionally, and that is terrifying.

I spent the day today with some people I used to go to school with, and, even though I hate my former self and I generally dread any thoughts and memories of middle school, I am beginning to realize how sentimentally valuable those memories are. Those people will always be important to me and I really enjoy the fact that we haven't completely drifted apart. But, being the cynically neurotic SOB I am, I cannot help but worry that that's exactly what will happen when we all go off to college. Geographical barriers are a bitch.

By the way, I am losing my mind and I hate losing.

I have a hard time putting my faith in things, especially things that have disappointed me time and time again. Therefore, it is hard for me to understand why I am going to the Raiders game this Sunday, the biggest game in nearly a decade. They will inevitably fold under pressure and I will again be pissed beyond belief after the time and emotion I invest in that team goes unrewarded.

And wow, that reminds me of "something else", which is the reason I've nearly gone completely batshit crazy.

I shall see you all back here in the distant future.

Video:

Because I need some way to convince myself that I'm not insane, I'm not insane.

posted from Bloggeroid

Existence is An Empty, Meaningless Word

So, I had this excellent excellent post written out, marking my "triumphant" return to AEC. And I lost it. I hate not having a computer. Anyhow, I will try to remember it as well as I can, although it almost certainly won't be as good as the first.

Anyway. Hello there. Long time. Yes, I'm back. Not that I died and was resurrected or anything, but internet-wise, I have returned.It is remarkable how my mind works. At least, to me. Usually I will plan to do something like write on this blog. And usually I know what I am going to write about well beforehand. But, that is not the case this time. Obviously, I had completely abandoned this blog. For various reasons. But I was recently making a tumblr for reasons I still don't understand, and had to enter a name for it. And then I remembered "an enigmatic conundrum" from this blog. One thing lead to another, as they say, and here I am.

So, one of my first thoughts when I thought of this blog again was "oh yeah, that thing exists". And so, being the extraordinarily philosophically deep thinker I am, I began to think about the meaning of existence. Then I came to the conclusion that existence in itself is meaningless. For example, this blog has existed for the past six months or so, but during that time it has been aimlessly floating around among the 3,736,927,522 other things in cyberspace.

And then, being the deeper philosophical thinker I am, I started to connect that to things happening to me now. I feel like for a long time now I have just "existed" to people, which normally is fine, but it is harder when that seems to be the case to people whose opinion you really value, to be as vague as possible. And that's a horrible feeling, both because it just sucks and because there's nothing I can really do about it outside of completely changing who I am. And so now what's left is this dull, existing being who doesnt appear to mean much. So all I can do is wait for the opposite to be the case. And to be honest, I am fucking sick of waiting at this point.

Anyway, moving on. When I first revisited this site, I read through most of my older entries, both because I always read my old text and internet interactions, and because I wanted to see how much I've changed over the past six months, if at all. Originally I had planned on saying that I no longer sound whiny, naive, and full of myself, but the first few paragraphs of this entry completely fly in the face of that suggestion.

So then, I decided to think about the most important things that have happened to me within the last half year. As I thought about it, I realized that the most important things have happened within the past few weeks or so, which is both convenient and depressing. I was accepted to SF State, which means I have something to do for at least the next four years. And then there's something else. Now here on AEC, it is always quite obvious what "something else" is, but I enjoy vagueness. Anyway, something else has made me realize how relative a term important is. What has been and still is mind-bogglingly important and amazing to me is not as important to, um, others. Which is disconcerting.

But, there you have it. I'm sure you have missed the depressing, pseudo-insane ramblings of a mind filled with thoughts like a fat man's stomach is filled with donuts and lard.

Ah, yes, the embarrassingly bad and tasteless similes have returned. Boy, it sure is great to be "back"!

Video:

After proofreading this, I noticed how terribly saddening this entry is. So, I decided to post something that makes me happy. Them Crooked Vultures make me happy. And so, I am posting them. Jesus, how many times have I used "so" or "and so" to transition? Yeesh. Anyway, enjoy!

"What's Troubling You Son? You've Never Looked Heavier."

"Anyway I met this woman, her name was, Amy, you know, so I go "Oh, A-M-Y?" She goes "No, A-Y-M-I-E".

"Ughhh... I have to take a nap!"

Then I go, I'm Brian, B-R-I-V-O-L-B-N, the number 7, the letter Q, that's right, 'Brennemenahgah!!!' Look at my name tag, it's, it's big."

Live - Brian Regan

No, the quote in the title is not an insult. I have no way to know if you're troubling, you're not my son, and I have no earthly idea how heavy are. Rather, it is one of several chuckle-worthy quips made by Arthur Spooner (played by Jerry Stiller) on the sitcom The Kings of Queens.

For your entertainment, here are a few more "Spooner-isms":

While out with Doug's (Kevin James) and Carrie's (Leah Remini) bla--ahem, African-American friends Deacon (Victor Williams) and Kelly (Merrin Dungey), Arthur is outraged at their seating arrangement:

"Rather than worry about what I am eating you should be concerned about why we've been seated so close to the kitchen? (to the waiter) IS IT BECAUSE WE'RE BLACK?!"

And as shown by the title, Arthur will never pass up the opportunity to mock Doug's enormous girth:

"You know, we're quite a pair, us two. Like Jake and the Fatman. Needless to say, I'm Jake."

This time, Arthur just can't seem to get the math right:

"Arthur: I've got two words for you: I'm staying right here!
Carrie: That's four words.
Arthur: Well, here's four more words for you: screw you!
Carrie: That's two words!
Doug: Arthur maybe you should stop saying how many words you are going to use in advance.
Arthur: Yeah, once you do that you're pretty much locked in, huh?"

Moving on from the Spooner-Heffernan clan, you may have noticed the quote at the beginning by stand-up comedian by Brian Regan because, well, it's the first thing I wrote. Right there in the beginning. So...that would happen. Here are more examples of Regan's clean, observational style of comedy:

Reminiscing about his junior high science fair judging:

"So I didn’t know what to do for my project so I brought in a paper cup filled with dirt, just hoping that she’d know I’m an idiot and just walk right on past me just as long as I was holding something.

So she walks by and goes, “What do you have there, Brian?”

“It’s a cup of dirt. Just put an ‘F’ on it there and let me go home!”

Then she goes, “Welllll, explain it.”

“Well, it’s a cup...with dirt in it. I call it ‘Cup of Dirt.’

You should move on now. Just go ahead and move on. Head on down the line there."

On the ridiculousness of serving sizes:

"One thing that amazes me, a serving size on the ice cream I had was like a half a cup. Is that like a joke some guy put on there? 'Hey, come here: look what I put for the serving size! Did you see? I just did it as a joke but they're going out like that!'

You ever know anybody to eat a half a cup of ice cream? 'Hey, you wanna go grab something to eat?' 'Ah, no. I had a half a cup of ice cream! Ya, a WHOLE half a cup. I just kept eating and eating and eating. I must've had two spoonfuls!'"

On being an idiot as a kid:

"I would have been a lot better off if I’d studied more when I was growing up, y’know. But you know where it all went wrong was the day they started the spelling bee. Because up until that day I was an idiot, but nobody else knew."

On ridiculous interview questions:

"Alright so Evil Conevil, yeah. They're always asking him about that time he messed up. And the strangest question I've ever heard them ask is this:

'So evil what were you thinking right before you hit the ground?'

I mean, how much stupider can you get?

Yeah, Evel goes, 'Well, Bob. I was thinking, Hey! Did I leave the iron on? And when my leg broke in half, Hey! I should get a puppy!'

'No! What do you think I was thinking? I was thinking AAAAAAAAA!!!!! AAAAAA!!!! AAAAAA!!!' "

And finally, the destructiveness of kids' party games:

"Then there was musical chairs. There's a nice little anxiety attack for seven year olds. Only one kid can win all the other kids are walking around going 'Ahh. Ahh. Ahh. Ahh!' You know elbowing their friends 'Ahh!' That's fun.

Somebody asks his kid, how was the party? 'It was horrible! I couldn't get a chair and I got a pin in my neck! Please don't make me go back! Please! You said that would be a happy house!' Musical chairs. Do you remember the first time you saw the chairs lined up like that for that game? I don't know about you but I counted the chairs and was like: 'Hey there's not enough chairs. There's not enough chairs for us.' And my mom goes, that's the whole point Brian. There's never enough in life, you'll always be miserable. There's no cake, there's no ice-cream. Happy birthday."

And finally, what is a "quotes" post without some of the very best from Whose Line is it Anyway? Yes indeed, the best show ever to air on television:

First up, some of the best from my favorite game, 'Narrate':

"Cats don't steal bras...unless they're really smart!"

"He had the kind of face only a mother could love... if that mother was blind in one eye and had that sort of milky film over the other one...You know? You know what I mean? But still, he was my identical twin."

Yeah...the last time I saw him he tried to kill me. But when you kill somone by...chopping off their head, rolling them up in a carpet, and burning it... you'd better make sure they're dead."

Our host Drew Carey always made sure to let us know the points didn't matter. But, Mr. Carey, just how useless were the points?

"...the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter, that's right, he points are like the cost of your funeral."

"The points are like Shaquille O'Neal at the free throw line."

"The points are like cheeseburgers after you've had angioplasty."

"The points are like whatever a delivery guy in a porno movie is delivering."

"They're useless, like the rack of Speedos at the Big and Tall shop."

"The points are like who has to use the bathroom after you do."

"The points are like four out of the Jackson Five."

And Drew always had a joke prepared for when we came back from a commercial. Here are some classics:

"And we're back to 'Whose Line is it Anyway', the show that gives Colin Mochrie a reason to live."

"I'm Drew Carey, you say tom-ay-to, I say bourbon and coke."

"Hey, If you want a transcript of tonight's show, just type out every word we say."

"Hey, If you want a free Whose Line is it Anyway? T-shirt, here's what you do: Take out an old T-shirt and a black marking pen, and on the front, write "Whose Line is it Anyway?".

"Hey, you know that disheveled-looking transvestite you always see leaning on a lamp post when you're driving home late at night? That's me!"

"Thanks for watching, tonight, by the way. Because let's face it, you could be reading to your kids, but... thanks for joining us for some laughs."

"Welcome back to 'Whose Line is it Anyway', or if you're watching it in a mirror, 'Anyway It Is Line Whose.'"

And we'll finish with a Dr. Seuss-inspired pickup line:

"Come sleep with me, sleep with me twice.
I'd think that that'd be very nice.
Lookey Lookey at the size of my shoe.
You know what they say, yes it's true."

Video:

For the first time, I'm going to share an actual video. Of, like, things occurring. I can't do a comedy-themed post without sharing something from my favorite comedian, Norm Macdonald. Here, he completely and unfairly intrudes on Conan O'Brien's interview with Courtney-Thorne Smith, who had recently ended her run on Melrose place. Enjoy!

Just Be Reasonable

I remember falling,
I remember marching,
Like a one man army,
Through the blaze
I know
I'm coughing,
I believe in something,
I don't want to remember falling,
For your lies.

One Man Army - Our Lady Peace


Oh hey there.

For the first time I didn't forget about this thing, and I wasn't too busy to write here, I just didn't feel like it. I feel like these are getting stale -- it's just me telling you what I've been doing. As much as I'd like to believe you do, I'm sure you don't care that much about my day-to-day life. I'll still tell you about it, but not unless there's some additional specific thing I want to talk about as well, like today. For the forseeable future this blog will be filled with Quotes, Links, and Rants posts. Hell, I almost just made this one a "rant".

Anyway, my summer has been good so far. My sister graduated last week, which still completely astounds me. It does not make sense that she is older than me, it does not make sense that she is about to go to college....nothing seems to make sense anymore. Like, how at every graduation, where you have to sit through eleventy billion names, it is always absurdly hot. Ruined the whole thing.

Everything about the heat sucks. Hot weather has zero redeeming qualities. There's the unbelievably and intrusively bright sun, the extreme sweating, the lack of air conditioning in my apartment, the inability to sleep at night, the Miami basketball team -- it is all dreadful. Go away, heat, nobody likes you.

I went to see a couple movies, a shocking change from the previous few months. I've joked lately about how you can probably name any movie that has come out the past 2 or 3 years and there's a very good chance I haven't seen it. Avatar? Nope. Black Swan? Nope. Toy Story 3? Nope. Bridesmaids? Thor? Inception? Fast Five? None of them. I'm not making some sort of statement; I just don't go to the movies that often. I didn't even see Hangover until last Saturday, and that was only because I was going to see Hangover 2 on Monday.

I was able to spend some time with my dad. Had a nice chat with him at the graduation, then was at his house this past weekend. It had been quite a while since I had seen him. He had been out of a job for a while (until today, full time sales position at a Dodge Chrysler place, hoo-rah) and couldn't afford to come down here from Los Banos and get us. I've had my issues in the past with my parents' divorce and going to see him but it really is awesome to know that you have somebody who cares about you so much. Everything he does is for me and my sisters, and you couldn't ask for much more from a parent.

So enough of that feel-good rainbows and sunshiney ponies stuff.

I was talking to a friend who recently was dumped by his girlfriend. It's a whole thing but what it comes down to is there was a failure to communicate and it ended up with (I think) him being used. Now, herein lies the connection to the title of this post...we have to be reasonable toward each other, you know? It's part of the reason I try to stay away from relationships in high school. In high school especially, people just don't talk. They don't communicate their feelings or their intentions, and it all seems like it's more for show than anything else. Speaking generally, of course. There are exceptions.

How is that fair to anybody, though? We learn to talk when we're at a very young age, and unless we're stricken with a disease or some condition, we don't ever really forget. How hard is it to just talk to people? How hard is it to say what you're feeling and to be honest with people? It's one of the few things that truly infuriates me. So many problems can be solved with simple communication, but for whatever reason people aren't able to do it. Oh well.

Don't have too much on the schedule until July. I'll be hanging around and staying low-key for the next week or so. I keep saying it, but soon I will go take the permit test and start driving. Soon.

Video:

I'll go ahead and share some of The Black Keys with you. Does anybody make cooler music? Like, not really exotic or intricate or anything...it's just like, if you're listening to them while you're walking down the street, you'll start walking like you're a boss or something. I don't know. Sort of reminiscent of the White Stripes. Enjoy!

Old Feelings, New Look, New Beginnings

My hands seem
To deceive me
When I'm nervous
Or when I'm healthy,
The scenery's all drawn:
They hang here
From the walls, dear
Painting pictures
Bleeding colors,
Blanket the windows.

Walls - Emery

Is it possible to so actively try not to do something, be successful, and still have it be counterproductive? I won't get into specifics, but that's where I'm at. A crappy ending to an otherwise great day

I promised last time that the next time I would post, it would be summer. Well, here we are. Gone is a tumultuous junior year. I will not miss it. There were some good times, but they were way more outweighed by the stuff I have had to deal with, and am still dealing with. Finally, I'm a senior. Feels damn good to say that.


Unless you have ventured over to my blog without having a new post to read (which I um, highly doubt), you'll notice the new look. I worked on it for a decent amount of time, and I like it. I had been meaning to re-design the blog for a while, but never actually got to it until after my last post. It's very simple. and it's a good layout, I think. Plus, my face is now on it, which is a plus for you.


This will be a summer or relaxation. It'll be a summer of rediscovery. I plan to lay back and sort of recharge for one last summer, then actually try to get "going" in life. I still haven't decided whether or not to take the CHSPE...we'll see. I'm beginning to lean toward not doing it, but it wouldn't be the first time I flip-flopped on something like that.


That's about all I have for today. Time to go write. I have a lot to get out right now that I can't here beyond the vague question I posed in the open. You folks enjoy your summer and enjoy the rest of your day.


Video:

"We live life! Like it's the last day of school
Yeahhhh!
We live life! Like it's the last day of school
So, do what you want to do!"

No explanation needed. The official song for this day. Enjoy!

Nice To Know You

This season’s growing cold

I fear that this could be the end
And there’s no sign of hope
We’ve got a crisis on our hands

Crisis - Alexisonfire

If you are friends with me on facebook, you've probably heard me complaining about the man pictured above once or twice. It is former Oakland Athletics idiot -- I mean manager -- Bob Geren. Boy, you don't know how good that feels to say, *former* manager. The guy had no business managing a major league baseball team, period. This is three years overdue. The above lines from "Crisis" by Alexisonfire represent what I felt about the A's with Geren at the helm this season.

Today was the first day of finals. I only had one, Spanish 3, and I would be shocked if I got better than a C. That should keep me in the B/B- range in that class, which I'll take. I have two more finals: Stats, and then a dumb presentation that should be done in junior high. But I digress, because Bob Geren was fired. And that's awesome.

It stuns me that it's already June 10th. It's really ridiculous. I don't even have a 2011 calendar yet. I've always joked that I want to stay a kid forever, but I can't wait for senior year, and eventually graduation. One more year looms and then I can actually accomplish things.

I recently read Catcher in the Rye, and I definitely had a similar reaction as the kids on South Park did. It is a tremendously overrated book, in my opinion. Holden Caulfield isn't some profound individual, he's just another kid who whines about everyone sucking to cover up the fact that he's terrified of reality and losing his innocence. Theme-wise, it's almost To Kill A Mockingbird, but with "goddamn" thrown in there eleventy billion times. It is probably the most annoying book I've ever read, not that that's necessarily saying much. The schtick really gets old after about 10 chapters or so.

A couple weeks ago I put about 200 new songs on my iPod. Always great to have a variety of stuff to listen to. Most of it was stuff I just that I should've had, like some Bob Dylan and Pearl Jam, but I added some new Incubus, Parlor Mob, Black Keys, Silversun Pickups... all kinds of stuff. I love music. Like, seriously. Especially music I haven't heard before that's good. Always makes it seem that much more awesome.

Considering I almost forgot about this, I'm sure that the next time I post, it will be summer. Which will be awesome. See you then.

Video:

I was going to post this anyway because I've been listening to this song ad nauseum for the past week or so, but the title and everything really works with the whole Bob Geren thing. This is Nice To Know You by Incubus. Enjoy!

I've Got Friends

And they...

Will dance if they want to dance
Please brother take a chance
You know they're gonna go
Which way they wanna go

All...we...know is that
we don't know...

The Masterplan - Oasis


Well, this is new.

Yes, quite a change from my forlorn and bordering on pathetic feelings of just a couple weeks ago. I am unusually happy right now. Maybe it's because the end of the school year is approaching very quickly. Maybe it's because the A's have won four out of their last five. Maybe it's because the giants lost Buster Posey. Maybe I don't really want to know how your garden grows.

Whatever it may be, I'm enjoying it and I hope it continues. Today marks day three of our well-timed four-day weekend. I've been able to have a low-key, easy-going weekend which hasn't happened in a while. I finally slept in today after about a week straight of getting fewer than 7 hours of sleep. I wish I could wake up at nine every day. Well, technically I could. Hmm.

Got a much needed haircut yesterday. Yeah, I'm probably not going to let my hair grow for two months again. It's amazing what a combination of busy-ness and laziness can do. Went out to dinner at Market Broiler last night, which has changed very much since the last time I was there. Ordered this sushi -- sushi is awesome, by the way -- that was incredible. Spicy tuna, crabmeat, cream cheese...holy crap it was amazing. The waitress was really cute, too. That's always good.

I meant to blog last night, if for no other reason to share the song Saturday Night, by the Kaiser Chiefs. There it is...but it doesn't really have the same effect on Sunday Morning, you know? Well, I guess now it's technically Sunday Afternoon. Actually -- don't click on that last one. That whole thing seemed cool in theory, but who am I to subject you to something as awful as Rascal Flatts? I apologize.

I'm very music-oriented right now, after putting about 150 new songs on my iPod yesterday. That includes just about everything, from Pearl Jam to Bob Dylan to Muse to the Black Keys to Incubus and a bunch of other stuff. I always love listening to stuff I either haven't ever listened to or haven't listened to in a while. New and fresh is always good when it comes to music. Have to have a good variety, I think.

Well, I'm starving, so, even though I know how interested you are in the goings-on of my life, I'm going to go make breakfast right now. You have to click on that last one, it's possibly the greatest thing anyone I ever know has done. Kudos to my buddies from CPC.

Video:

A friend of mine has been posting the songs from Manchester Orchestra's new album, which I haven't gotten a chance to listen to in its entirety yet, but because of that I've been listening to a ton of their songs lately. This is, unquestionably, my favorite song from them. It's great, listen to it. Enjoy!

Interview with a Veteran

In your head monsters call
In the air you find no one
Is there at all

But you keep them alive
Paralyzed you cannot run
You only crawl

- New Way To Live - Alter Bridge

Today a friend (Karandeep) and I had the pleasure of interviewing a Vietnam war veteran. We met Joe when we were volunteering at Centerville Presbyterian Church, and he graciously agreed to sit down with us for a little bit. Rather than a normal blog post, I'll post the transcription of our interview. There's some pretty powerful stuff in here, so I hope you guys enjoy it:

Kyle: Ummm…what do I want to start off with….so once you got to, um, once you got to the war first, where did you go? Where were you stationed?

Joe: We were in Okinawa, we were in Cambodia….

Deep: First you went to Cambodia?

Joe: Yeah.

Kyle: Do you remember, like, sort of like how you felt when you first got there, when you stepped off the plane?

Joe: Yeah, scared. Scared to death. No fun, no adventures. Hell. Once you got over there, you would be fighting for your life. If you don’t kill the people you’re supposed to, you will get killed, you’ll die. 17, 18 year old kid, you die.

(At this point we were interrupted by a guy coming in the camper, but he left and we resumed)

Joe…I was 18 years old

Kyle: 18 years old when you went in?

Joe: Yeah.18. Some people were 15…young kids, rich kids.

Kyle: Yeah…we were actually watching a film on it , about how, sometimes they’d tell kids to lie about their ages

Joe: They did, yeah. To go help their country, yeah they did. They said they were 18, were supposed to be 18, but were really actually 16.

Kyle: So, when you got there, how long before you were fighting or you were in combat?

Joe: 3 years.

Kyle: No, how long did it take, like once you got there were you…did you go straight to fighting?

Joe: Yep, straight. Going off, jumping off the helicopter, to the jungle. Into the jungle.

Kyle: Oh wow

Deep: You were like a replacement for the people…

Joe: People who were coming out. They would be able to go back home, eat, because, they’ve been there for more years.

Deep: Where were you stationed in?

Joe: I was in Vietnam…the base. From there, to the jungle, and then from there I went to, uh…I was in Georgia, doing training too, and Okinawa.

Kyle: Okinawa?

Joe: Yeah and we…were with 6 friends. And 3 of us came back, 3 died. Once you’re in there, your time goes so slow. And…all you see is body parts all over the place, and you know, you either kill or you’re being killed. First time I (killed somebody) I was…so shocked. Now, what I do, I help out the church to (forgive) myself for what I did when I was young, so God will forgive me, for what I did. So that’s why I work to…help out the church, and help people out.

Deep: Do you…do you think that, the war you were fighting in, was it pointless?

Joe: If it was worth it?

Deep: If it was worth it for your –

Joe: No!

Kyle: Anything…was there anything good that came out…

Joe: I didn’t believe in that!

Kyle: You didn’t believe in war?

Joe: No. I’m a Catholic. You know, I didn’t believe in killing and all that but…you do what the President says, or else you go to jail.

Deep: So you were basically like forced to…

Joe: …I got drafted.

Kyle: Did you ever think about maybe like burning your draft card or anything?

Joe: No, but when I got back…yes!

(Laughter)

Joe: Yes, it was hell! I never thought I would make it back over here, you guys. You know, I prayed every day, all day long…you don’t sleep at day time, you don’t sleep at night time, you sleep, you ‘re dead. Three years is a long time. And you count your days, while you’re worried about staying alive, still…and we had to kill young kids, because they were carrying bombs, and blew up our troops. You know, things like that it’s…no fun, it’s a nightmare. Took me two years for rehab…I’m, a little bit crazy ‘cause of all the stuff that happened. And sometimes, you know, I can’t sleep you know, because I get nightmares. When I go to sleep right now, still right now.

Deep: It’s like an everlasting effect

Joe: Yeah I mean, it went away for a couple of years, but it still comes back and you (get those feelings) again.

Kyle: Well the main thing with our project is we’re supposed to compare like the circumstances of the Vietnam War and the Iraq War, which I know was..nowhere near..

Joe: Vietnam was much worse than Iraq!

Kyle: Yeah, way more deadly! But…the only thing I was wondering about is that, like..I was reading in an interview with an Iraq guy and he said how some people, some of the Iraqis…liked having them there, and some of them didn’t like having them there…did you, like how did the South Vietnamese feel about…

Joe: They didn’t like having us there

Kyle: They didn’t like you guys at all?

Deep: They didn’t help you out at all?

Joe: Well…for me being there, it made me more…wiser and more, not scared of nothing. ‘Cause I already been to hell…you know, but I made it back with…God’s help, I guess…

Kyle: Did you…feel any, like, personal hatred toward the Vietcong and the people fighting you or were just there trying to…

Joe: Just there…I just done my duties.

Deep: Just following orders?

Joe: Just following orders. Yup, they give you different work, you’re supposed to report, or else you go to prison. So I just done…my orders…

Kyle: Were you…did you ever get captured, were you ever a POW?

Joe: Uh..no. Almost…no. I was in the jungle…for 3 months. 102 degress hot in the foxhole...water up to here (motions to waist)…eating bugs. You gotta survive one way or another. Monkey brains…

Deep: You had to survive off that…

Joe: Whatever, you know, you’re hungry, you eat. They don’t give you…they don’t give you a tv dinner here or…just a small little can about this big.

Deep: So about the, uh, the equipment that you carried, was it…really really heavy…

Joe: You carry your weight, 150 pounds.

Kyle: Oh wow

Joe: You’re all packed up…your rifle, your knife and, I mean you’re all..and your gun. I actually carried 175 pounds ‘cause I weighed 150 and..25 pounds more heavier, with you, and you’re gonna need it.

Kyle: And then you have like, colonels and sergeants tellin’ you to move your ass and stuff when you’re trying to…trying to carry all…

Joe: Yeah you fall on the ground, then a snake gets to you and…all kinds of stuff…

Kyle: How did you…feel about, like, your fellow soldiers and and your officers, how did you all get along?

Joe: You had to. You didn’t get along, you’d be dead. You follow orders and you help people out…that’s your, that’s your family right there. I mean, we’re here to do our business and we do what we gotta do. Your platoon, that’s your family, right there.

Kyle: Speaking of that, were you able to keep in touch with your family at all, while you were there?

Joe: Never, no. Three years, no.

Deep: So you were basically cut off?

Joe: No…no family. Nothing. When they told me my day was up, I was so happy. I jumped in the helicopter so quick. And then he asked me if I wanted to, to be reassigned!

(Laughter)

Kyle: Do you remember…where you were, like, when they told you, you could go home? Do you remember where…like were you out…

Joe: In the jungle. I spent the three years out there.

Kyle: Did you…are you still friends with anyone that you met out there, or…from Vietnam are there any other soldiers that you knew…

Joe: People here, my friends, they were with me..

Kyle: Oh, they went to Vietnam?

Joe: Yeah and now we’re all here hanging out, and we get together sometimes.

Kyle: It’s horrible you know the people that were out there…fighting for our country…I just think you guys should be treated a little better than…like you see all those, like, the movie stars who live out in those, like, up in those…that should be you guys, you know, you guys who…went out there and died and risked your lives for us.

Joe: You know I’m still having a hard time with it, because, all that happened I get nightmares still…and when I walk I feel like I’m gonna step on a mine, or it feels like…I can’t think right…’cause my minds already all, messed up. But…I’ll survive.

Kyle: Hey, if you survived that, then ..you can survive anything this, this is nothing!

Joe: I’m tellin’ you I never…never thought I was gonna make it! I mean, I was out there and uh, I thought I would die. My mom even told me, she said, I don’t think you’ll come back. But..I made it back, I don’t know how, but I did.

Deep: How did your family react..to you being back?

Joe: Oh…the whole family…they had a big old party.

Deep: What about when you were shipped off?

Joe: They had a big old party for me. All the neighbors…they had a big old party for me. All people from…Kennedy High Scool. I went to Kennedy High School when it was brand new. That’s where Tower of Power (said with an accent) started you head of Tower of Power, a band called Tower of Power? That’s where they started from, Kennedy High School. Some good bands started there and got famous.

Kyle: Oh, wait, what were their names?

Joe: Tower of Power?

Kyle: Oh, I’ve heard of them!

Joe (sings): “You’re still a young man…”

Kyle: Yeah yeah, oh wow, I didn’t know that!

Joe: The original singers!

Kyle: Oh, ok! That’s cool, did you know them?

Joe: I knew them. One of, uh…one of them was my sister’s boyfriend. But uh…hey if you guys ever get drafted go to, go…go north, go to Canada!

(Kyle and Deep laugh)

Joe: It’s not worth it, it’s not worth it…just, be with your family. I love everybody, I love everybody. And that’s why I go out, helping people out, because, I do what I did and..I’m still hurting for it.

Kyle: Yeah…y-you don’t have to feel bad, man. You did what you had to do.

Deep: Yeah.

Joe: I had to do it, so I did it. Or else I’d be, behind bars. Look at that…Muhammad Ali guy…he got drafted, he went to jail….he said he don’t believe in killing so they put him in jail. I coulda done that, but I…

Deep: Sacrifice…you had to sacrifice…

Joe: I just did what I had to do. I think I’m more of a man, I’m more wiser, now. Because, when I was a youngster, I was a bad boy. I was in gangs. I showed up from LA…13 years old I was in gangs, and, moved up to Fremont and I got here and I was in gangs…the army helped me out a lot. When I was in the army I turned into more of a man.

Kyle: Well I guess that’s, that’s about the only good thing that came out…

Joe: I came back and, I was smarter and, not being in trouble and, being more, uh, dependable….I don’t believe in killing, I love everybody.

Kyle: You have anything else?

Deep: No, that’s about it.

(we all exchange goodbyes…)

Video:

War-themed song for Joe...Bullet for my Valentine is very much a heavy metal, metalcore-type band. So if you're not into that...I wouldn't listen. Here's "Scream, Aim, Fire". Enjoy!

Oh So Close

Try accepting this
Why not face today
Forever one to crawl out
Fade out next to lazy
End it all within

Humanoid - Chevelle

Waiting.

That is the theme right now.

Waiting for this stupid video file to convert to .avi, that is why I am writing this. Waiting four more weeks for school to be over, that is why I am waiting for the video to convert which is why I am writing this. I hate waiting. I'm not patient, especially when it's 11:30 and I'm exhausted.

Had a pretty decent weekend...watched my grandpa yesterday as he has bronchitis and is limited in what he can do. After that, I went to the Comedysportz All-star show which was, of course, awesome. Except for these two women who weren't really that funny. But that's funny in itself, that they would be so unfunny. At least to me it is. I don't know. Took it easy today, went over to my friend's to do this video and am now waiting.

Oh, and there's supposedly this baseball team in Oakland that played this weekend, but I think "baseball team" and "played"are rather generous terms to use for them. I'll leave it at that.

Oh yeah, the rapture! Man, that was the best rapture ever. But seriously though, people actually quit their jobs and spent their life savings because some old wackjob said the world would end? They deserve to be raptured, those idiots. I'm glad to see people were able to make light of it though. There were "post-rapture" celebrations today and some people even blew up balloons shaped as humans and released them, among other things. I can't believe that Harold Camping guy was serious...and he said there was "absolutely no way" it wouldn't happen.

There's being senile, and then there's being unqualified for life. You, sir, are the latter.

Hey, what do you know, the video is about done converting. I don't have any of my usual ramblings about my shortcomings for you today, so that'll be all until next time.

Video:

Hmm...I'm feeling like some Silversun Pickups right now. So, here's some Silversun Pickups. Enjoy!

Hammerhead

Cause we might as well be blind
If seeing is believing

- "If God Smokes Cheap Cigars", Envy on the Coast

Hey there. Haven't posted since last Saturday, been a little busy. I'd just like to point out that I was right about the A's losing Sunday, so I think I deserve a pat on the back. *Pats self on back*. Thanks, self.

STAR testing this week, normally not good. But when the class I'm taking it in is film, and the STAR test is really easy, well, it becomes awesome. Watched three films already, including the Social Network. I had never seen it, so I was surprised to learn that Mark Zuckerberg is a thief. Huh, the more you know.

I've been thinking a lot lately about taking that proficiency exam thing to get out of high school early. High school has always been fairly annoying, but I've gotten to the point where I really don't think there's more to get out of it. Nothing is getting done in terms of development, whether it be mentally or intellectually or whatever. I don't want to say I feel too good for high school, but I'm going to. I'd like to start taking college classes and get a job, and start being productive. Take steps toward where I want to go, you know?

I know and understand the arguments against this. "Oemgy high school is the best time of your life! You just don't know it! It's the memories! You're gonna throw away your senior year of high school! But things that don't matter happen!" I get it. But really, if high school ends up being the best time of my life, then something went seriously wrong in my life. By the time I'm, say, 25 or 30, I expect to have enough "memories" to make up for the supposedly important things I'd be missing.

But then again, I might stay. Who knows? Stay tuned to find out.

I had a whole other thing I was going to write about, but completely forgot what it was. I'll have to think. Let's see. There are some 24 year olds mooching off their parents right now on Dr Phil. That's mildly interesting. But that's not it.

Hm.

Drawing a blank. Oh well. Met a Vietnam War vet earlier, he was a cool guy. Senseless war, though, insane what it did to people. Looking to go see an improv tournament this weekend. That should be awesome. Improv is great, in case you didn't know. I think that lyric up there is really profound. It can apply to several different things. Think about it.

That's about it for now. Maybe if I actually can remember things I'll add some stuff later. Have a good night, people.

Video:

The Offspring are cool. I don't know that anybody denies that. So there's not really any explanation needed here. This is Hammerhead. Enjoy.

Hollis and Morris

I can't find release, ain't
no release anywhere I been
I knew all along just where
I needed to go to have it kick in
Won't you send me a saint from
grace, round here there's none
to be had

- Hollis and Morris, the Trews

Hey there. I lead off with this because this song has been stuck in my head for a couple days now. I'm a little shocked the Trews aren't more mainstream, they have that sort of sound. Anyway, I'm sure there can be some sort of connection drawn between these lyrics and how I feel, but that's not really why they're there. I just like the song.

I had an interesting textversation (you see what I did there?) with a good friend yesterday and the night before. She said something that really stuck out to me, that she's sick of being interested and not being the interest. I can definitely relate to that. She was talking more about dating, and I can relate there too. I've only asked anybody out twice. In one case I dodged a bullet, the other was a little harder. I think I've been sort of notorious (in the sense that my inflated sense of self-worth tells me I can be notorious for something) for being against dating in high school. There are several bigger reasons, but one is that I don't like having to stick my foot out there and have it stepped on. If it does happen, the interest has to be initiated by her, not me. At least until college, where people are more sophisticated. Wow, that sounded really douchey, huh? Oh well.

Anyway, it goes beyond dating. Any relationship I've had with people, any skill I've developed, it never came naturally. I had to initiate it. Either that's a byproduct of me thinking too much, or I'm that unappealing of a person. Every day, more and more, and think it's the latter. And that's a horrible feeling, to think you're not just naturally appealing or naturally gifted. I don't say that the way an attractive girl says she's ugly in order to get compliments -- I truly believe it. It's not an insurmountable quality to have, but damn it sure does make things harder. Also, I'm pretty sure there's a dirty joke somewhere in that last sentence.

I would like to applaud myself for following through on my promise of making this more frequent. Two posts within three days, that has to be a record.

Let's see, what else. You might remember me being stoked for the premiere of Drew Carey's Improv-A-Ganza. Well, it's been on for over a month now and it is definitely as advertised. The one thing I love about watching improv is that it doesn't get stale. By definition, it can't. I've watched every episode of this season of Family Guy, and then the first few episodes of South Park and just thought, damn, you know? They just stopped being funny. It's almost like they've gotten so wrapped up in themselves that they don't try as hard to be funny anymore. They're complacent, and think/know the smallest or least creative joke will get a laugh simply because they have an audience. They don't have to worry about ratings. With Family Guy in particular, it seems like they're more interested in the episode looking good than being funny these days.

That's what is so great improv, there's no such thing as getting complacent. If you're not getting laughs, you have no audience. You get no paycheck. You have no choice but to get laughs, and I love to laugh. Improv is the business people. I hate that phrase, so I don't know why I just said that. "The business". Like, what the hell does that even mean? Watch Improv-A-Ganza every day at 5, 8, or 11 on GSN people. It's worth it.

I think that's about all I have to say. A's won, so that was good. But, winning today means they'll probably lose tomorrow, which means I probably won't post anything tomorrow. Looks like rain outside now, and it's supposed to rain through Tuesday. Hooray for gray days in May, seriously. Screw the sun. I'm too lazy to proofread this so I hope you didn't mind the typos.

You folks enjoy your weekend.

Video:

Obviously, Hollis and Morris by the Trews. Don't know how you can't enjoy this, unless you're one of those people who just listens to what's on the radio or on MTV. If you are one of those people, stop reading. You are not allowed to read this blog. Ok? Mkay.




BONUS VIDEO OEMGEE:

Because I think this song is cool too. Some extra stuff at the end. Enjoy!

The Unforgiven

I promise.

I know that probably doesn't mean much anymore, but I promise to make this more frequent. I finally have motivation to do that, so you'll be able to read my incoherent ramblings on a semi-daily basis now. Hurrah!

I'm not exactly "firing on all cylinders" today so try to bear with me. Just speaking my mind.

Let's see, it's been a while since I last posted. I had a fairly eventful spring break. Unfortunately I couldn't tag along on a mission trip to San Francisco as I had already made plans. From what I hear, though, they had an incredible experience helping the poor and homeless in the city, one that completely changed their perspective on the subject. I'm glad for them, and am kicking myself for not having gone. The best I can do is offer an awesome song that relates to it.

In place of that, I was able to hang out with some old friends, actually complete driver's ed, go to an A's game, and have a pretty fun dinner & game night with some very important people in my life. So, not all was lost. Last Friday I went to an improv show entitled "ComedySportz". I'll save you the details on what it is and how it works because if I tell you, you'll think exactly what I did: that's cheesy and stupid and won't be funny. For just the 4th time in my life, I was flagrantly wrong. Check them out, they're all over the US.

Aside from that, I'm just waiting. Waiting for the school year to be over. I'm just a term paper, a couple projects, and some finals away from that happening. About four and a half more weeks. Can't wait.

Now, for the absolute first time in my life, I've been all over the place emotionally. Well, I shouldn't say emotionally, I guess...just in terms of confidence. There's one thing that plays a huge part in that that only a couple people know about, but there are a lot of things aside from that. Sometimes I just need somebody to confide in, and I don't have that person I trust enough to do so. And I don't know that I have the ability to trust anybody that much, or to get anybody to care enough. I don't know. I can't (or just deliberately won't) explain it too much right now. Maybe that's why I promise to write here more frequently...somewhere to get out my thoughts. Then again, that sounds incredibly contradictory and stupid. Unsurprisingly, oftentimes that's exactly how I've felt recently. Meh.

I've always sort of felt a need for an "escape" from things, but never moreso than recently. That's usually baseball and music. Never more have those two things served a more important purpose in my life. I've preached about how awesome (awesome counter:2) the game of baseball is, but it's one thing that always comforts me. Watching it, talking about it, I love the game. Perhaps that's why I've been so high and low after A's wins and losses this year. I've never had more invested in this team than I do now.

Music...is great. It's funny, just 4 or 5 years ago I claimed to "not really listen to music that much". That's mostly because I was sort of shielded from "good" music. If you look hard enough, there's a lot of it that has a lot of meaning behind it, and that can help you. A lot of times it's relaxing. A lot of times you can just get lost in it. I can't imagine a life without music now.

This got way more serious/deep/personal than I ever intended, so here's a polar bear with a chainsaw.

Video:

Apocalyptica is a band composed of four Finnish cellists. Sounds incredibly unappealing, doesn't it? Well it's not. So stop thinking that. This is not an original song, but rather a song from their album of Metallica covers, "Plays Metallica by Four Cellos". This is the best cover of "The Unforgiven" I've heard, instrumental or non-instrumental. These are some talented Fins. Enjoy!

Find Something Better To Do

So I hate to come back after over a month with this, but I promised a "rant" in my last post 273 days ago.

So here it is.

This was much more appropriate to complain about a month ago when all the award shows were happening, but I must follow up on my promises like I always do with this blog. It's not so much the award shows that bother me (though we could easily do without them), but rather the red carpet pre-shows and post-show and all that garbage. I mean, let's step back and think about what's going on:

Me, person A, is spending my time asking persons B, C, D and so on, about what they are wearing and about various goings on in their life. Part of my, person A's, job, is to behave obsequiously: fawn all over and pander to persons B, C, D and so on. I do not know these people, but for some reason I enjoy spending my time doing this.

To steal a phrase from Norm MacDonald, what the H are you people doing? Who cares?

Why does it matter who made person B's dress or that person C's suit was designed by Italian SuitGuy Merconi? Are you genuinely interested in this completely random person's choice of attire? Do you walk down the street asking people about their lives? Should I?

And come on, Ryan Seacrest, you cannot love every movie and every song that everybody does. Feigned emotion and/or excitement is profoundly abhorrent, especially when you're praising songs by Selena Gomez and movies involving Chris Rock.

And what's with people actually watching it? This is one of those things where I just don't get it. Usually when there's something I don't like, I can still figure out a reason that people like it. But watching random human beings walk down a carpet while photographing and brown-nosing them is just perplexing to me.

But it doesn't stop at the carpet, no! There are entire television programs where people talk about and criticize what these random earthlings decided to wear on that particular night. First, who are you and why are your opinions of these people relevant. Second, why are these other random people caring about what those first group of random people are wearing? And why do television networks pay this second group of random people to comment on what the first group of random people wear? It doesn't make sense.

And TMZ sucks, too.

Video:

I shared and Envy on the Coast video last time which I am positive 100% of you hated, but their second and final album provides more of a bluesy, pure rock feel. Lowcountry is markedly different than Lucy Gray, and I listened to it for about two weeks straight a month ago. This particular song is probably my favorite off the album. Enjoy!

Because All Suffering is Sweet To Me

It's time for my monthly blog update! Yay! *Fanfare*

I'll save the mindless self-indulgent garbage I usually write in the introduction and get right to it. This post will be as close to serious as it gets for me.

I was having a conversation with my English teacher that concluded with him asking me if I was "afraid of being serious". As many of you know, I rarely am. Now let's backtrack here -- it wasn't a serious conversation and he made the comment in jest. I didn't think too much of it at first, but being the extraordinarily introspective individual I am, of course I thought about it.

I came to the conclusion that I did in a previous blog post -- that there's no underlying motive behind me doing what I do...it's just how I am. I'm not consciously or subconsciously doing things to hide some other problem or issue. To quote Avenged Sevenfold, I'm not insane. I'm not that deep or complicated either, Avril Lavigne. (Holy crap, I can't believe I just linked to Avril Lavigne. Let's fix that. Much better.) So when you hear that jerk at the movie theater yelling out things during a serious movie because he thinks it's funny, I just think it's funny. I mean, I can't take a movie seriously. How can you watch a movie without laughing? Weirdos.

I've been watching a lot of Dr. Phil lately, therefore I am a huge hypocrite. I've always said watching shows because they exploit other people's problems and because you like to see other people going through issues is sort of inhuman. But hey, other people's problems are entertaining.

February was the first month in a long time I just got to chill. I had absolutely nothing to worry about all month. Plus, we had a ton of days off. I was able to meet up with a friend I haven't seen in a year and a half, and then some friends I haven't seen in eight years (ohhh with the bold for the emphasis and effect and importance and such). I enjoyed seeing all of them.

It's always cool to meet up with people you haven't seen in a while, because conversations are easy. I may or may not have mentioned this, but I'm awful at small talk. Oftentimes when I talk to people I'm sitting there thinking "ok yeah so what should we talk about after this, where is this conversation going, uhh". You know, that kind of awkwardness. But when you haven't seen people in a while, it's easy. "How's life? How has school been? What shows do you like? What do you think of _____?". Interview-type questions. But once you get past all that introductory kind of stuff, I essentially need to be talking to someone who is talkative or can keep a conversation going pretty easily if you want to avoid the dreaded awkward pauses.

Two things are coming up in April that have me feeling peppy and giddy and chipper and other abnormally positive feelings. One, obviously, is the Greatest Sport to Ever be Invented Ever in the History of Mankind Ever, baseball. I listened to baseball for the first time since last October on Sunday. It's early in Spring Training, and the games mean as much as my opinion on politics, but baseball on the radio is great, whether it's the season, spring training, or t-ball.

The other, though, is improv back on TV. The debut date for Drew Carey's Improv-A-Ganza has been pushed back to April 11th. I can't wait. Ever since the cancellation of the Greatest Show to Ever Air on Television, Whose Line is it Anyway?", I've searched high and low for even the shortest clip of improv performed by those guys. I've found plenty, but it's not enough. Improv is awesome, these guys are hilarious, and this is my most anticipated debut for any TV show ever. To quote Bart Scott, "CAN'T WAIT".

I haven't done one of those "rants" (oh with the not-so-clever categorization) in a long time. I have a good topic for that and that will be my next blog post, in about 12 years or so.

Video:

Sticking with the pseudo-serious theme, I'll end with the song that is responsible for this entry's title. Unlike the previous bands and songs I've shown, I post this knowing that it will only appeal to a select few. It's a song by Envy On The Coast, a very pop punk-ish band. Not generally my style, but their lyrics are always exquisite and always mean something. It's one of a couple bands I love solely for that reason.

This particular song is about a 13 year old girl who killed herself after a bout with depression. It talks about how people said horrible things about her before and after her death, and how it's wrong to dismiss people who commit suicide as just being insane.

Enjoy!

Commercial Bowl Sunday Wrap-up

Remember how I said I always say I'm going to do things and then don't do them, when it comes to this blogging stuff? How I never follow through with any sort of schedule?

No? I don't either. Moving on.

Sunday was a success. The right team won, I enjoyed the party I went to, and the commercials, I thought, were decent. House's easily takes the cake, but there were a few good ones.

Here's the thing I don't get - Why are Coca-Cola and Doritos spending thousands of millions of dollars for special effects on their commercials? The whole reason for having a cool commercial air during the Super Bowl is that a bleepload of people watch it. 111 million viewers made it the most watched television show ever, a number to only be eclipsed by Super Bowl XLVI next year. But, who's going to take advantage of that viewership more? A company like Teleflora, who I only know exists because of the Super Bowl, or Coca-Cola, a mainstay in the states for decades? I think by now if people are going to buy Coke, they're going to buy it. A cool commercial will not make any difference. But that's just my two (thousand) cents.

I hate being sick. Like, I can't stand it. The only reason I'm writing this is because I'm home sick and bored as hell. Finals are over (and were successful, thanks for asking) and I was actually looking forward to a couple things at school today. But the only thing worse than being sick is being sick at school. Don't you hate it when people are coughing and sneezing and blowing and sniffing and basically just seem determined to infest the entire classroom with germs? Well, it sucks even more being that person.

Random thoughts:

- So I read about how my friend Emilie is doing this 30-day challenge thing over at her blog (go read it), so I thought about stealing that idea (I mean, I already stole the blog idea). But then I realized that 30-day challenge would likely become the 30-week or 30-month challenge and that I probably wouldn't stick to it anyway.

- If you read the eleventy billion status updates regarding a friend of mine's near-winning of 5,000 dollars, it got me thinking...what would I do with 5,000 dollars? It certainly wouldn't be going into a college fund or any of that nonsense, so how would I spend it? Buy one really big thing? A bunch of small things? I think I'd go with the latter. What about you? (Yes, you, the one person reading this)

- The ending of football season is a little bittersweet. While we are guaranteed no football for at least six months, it also signals the beginning of baseball season, also known as the beginning of "what is undeniably unequivocally inarguably the best sport ever created in the history of man and dinosaur-kind" season. On February 15th we will hear the four best words ever. No, not those four words, Bullet For My Valentine. These four words: Pitchers and Catchers Report.

- Valentine's Day is coming up. That has to be the most obnoxiously devious moneymaking ploy ever, and people buy right into it. If you have a "special someone", express your love every day. Don't go over the top for this commercialized atrocity of a "holiday".

I need to get my permit already. It is scary how lazy I am. Like, truly frightening. I've been putting it off for months, saying I'd be sure to get it by February in order to be able to drive by the beginning of next school year. We'll see how that goes.

On a somewhat more serious note, anybody who knows her or has a facebook friend who goes to Washington was probably aware of the whole missing person thing regarding my friend Britney. Turned out it wasn't too serious, but even though she's probably heard this ad nauseum since Saturday, I have to say I am glad she is back home and is safe.

That's all I have for today.

Video:

Had to decide between two music videos to share with you today. I've chosen this song by the Silversun Pickups, who I've grown to enjoy so much it's almost unhealthy. Until the next blog post, I will be "waiting and fading and floating, away" into their music. Well I thought that was sorta clever. Enjoy!

Longer Time No Blog

It's amazing, you know?

It's amazing how life just gets in the way sometimes. I was totally committed to paying more attention to this blog but an incredible combination of unfortunate circumstances has hindered me from being able to do so. Finals time was apparently a very very bad time to try to start this.

I am currently very ill and also have some work to do, so I don't have much energy or motivation to write up a full, well though out out blog post. So I'll just leave you with a random grab bag of links:

You probably saw my post about the guy with the longest name, "Captain Fantastic Faster than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined". No, seriously. Found it at this nifty site, home of the longest...everything.

I also posted on facebook a while back another site I stumbled upon, home of the "web genius". Think of a relatively famous person and see if he can guess.

Another time-waster, a cool quiz site I visit from time to time.

This is true.

You may have stumbled upon this video of a women falling into a water fountain because she was too busy texting. It has definitely gone viral, and for that she is, unsurprisingly, suing for defamation.

No invention could ever top this. If I can walk around in my bed, my life will be complete.

And of course, the obligatory Whose Line video - coming to a city near you, a new Tex-Mex restaraunt chain, Nacho Mama!

Blog Status:

With finals starting next week, I probably won't post until after then. So, so long for a week or so!

Video:

You also may have heard that I stumbled upon a great rapper from Seattle (home of like every great musician, ever), Macklemore.. He's really really really good. I think that anybody could enjoy him.

Long time no blog...

Thank God it's Friday. Really, I'm seriously.

Every time I start a long-term blog-type thing, it's over a weekend or break, and I always assume I'll be able to keep it up during the week. And every time, that never happens. I'm either too tired or too busy to do it. I'm still pretty tired now, but the blog must go on...

I don't really have any sort of direction for this one, so I'll just go with whatever pops in my head. Well, not whatever pops into my head, but you know what I mean.

If you're wondering where I got the idea of putting all the links in, either because you think it's neat or it's really stupid, well there are a few reasons. For one, I've read other blogs that do it and it always turns out pretty well. Second, as anyone who's read anything I've written anywhere probably has figured out by now, I'm very uncomfortable talking without adding some sort of humor or distraction. Without it it's just the boring drivel of some annoying arrogant black guy. And lastly, most of my humor is snarky comments responding to something else or a reference to something else. I'm not really original at all. If I tried stand up I'd be horrible.

I guess while I'm continuing to ramble on about this thing I created, I should explain the url too. Well, "enigmatic conundrum" is supposed to satirize the fact that I am nothing of the sort. I'm as much of a simpleton as you'll find. And I told you I'm not funny.

Moving on from that, I was reading one of many books about WWF superstars the other day so I guess I can talk about that. I havent watched pro wrestling in a while now, but I still get annoyed when people shrug it off as being "fake" or "gay". 95% of the people in the world could not do what those guys do. Getting into that business is hell. I was reading Adam "Edge" Copeland's book about winter "death" tours in which he'd drive 20 hours in -30 degree temperature to go perform in front of 50 people for 75 bucks. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin was on a diet of tuna fish and raw potatoes for months while traveling in Tennessee working in any place you can find. You have to sacrifice so much to even have a chance to get into that business. And you have to be dedicated.

I haven't even mentioned the fact that you have to be really freaking athletic and intelligent. Though match outcomes are determined beforehand, everything you see out there is improvised. Seriously, they'll tell you to go out and wrestle for 20 minutes, and put on a show. It's actually really interesting when you figure out how it's done. And the mat, the mat is no joke. It's thin canvas on top of wood on top of a mattress. There's very little give. Now imagine having to jump on and off that for over 300 days a year, while safely performing a variety of athletic moves. It's not "fake". It is scripted, but anybody who steps into a ring will tell you it isn't fake. You can and will get seriously hurt during matches and are expected to continue right through it. Really, it's remarkable. I have great respect for pro wrestlers.

I've gained the same sort of respect for people in film. Now I'll be the first to tell you that celebrity coverage is a joke and actors are overpaid and ridiculously glorified and not that important and all that noise. But acting is tough, man. You have to work to get those roles, and filming itself is very very hard and tedious. Same with directors and writers. Those guys are really amazing to me, because you have to have so much vision, creativity, and pure talent to do both. Can you imagine writing a three-hour script. That idea is insane to me. Coming up with it and directing it is even more incredible. Those guys are really really talented.

Wow, after talking so much about how I have to inject some sort of humor into everything, there was none in the last four paragraphs. I am an admitted hypocrite. Oh well. Just because I can't think of anything else right now, here are some things I like and don't like:

I like:

to move it move it
Norm Macdonald. Funniest guy ever.
Brian Regan. Also funny. I can always respect a comedian who can be clean and funny. Sex jokes and gay jokes are as easy as Lindsay Lohan after she's had a few. See? Easy. This isn't.
big butts and I cannot lie
iTunes
People who watch or listen to old stuff. Like, if you know who Rod Serling is, you get a thousand points
"the first scissor cut into a fresh piece of construction paper"
pages on facebook
wordplay, puns, anything witty
the onion
bacon
Rachel McAdams. Gorgeouser than you.
the old game show Match Game

I don't like:

writer's block
when people say "what" after they heard what you said
when people say things to get you to ask things. like saying "UGGGGHHH I CANT BELIEVE THIS" and then expecting me to ask what's wrong. if something's wrong, say it
when people say they're fine when they're not
skinny jeans
makeup. because my mom and sisters hog up the mirror for eleventy billion hours putting it on, because there's so much of it, because lots of girls overdo it and because it's usually unnecessary
when i get a million status updates about the same thing. i didnt even feel that earthquake
How somehow I decided somewhere up there to stop using capital letters
when people talk using textspeak
unnecessary loud noise
people who make it a point to tell you that they are tough or "not to mess with them". stop it.
batteries. they always go out at the worst possible time, like the batteries in my mouse and keyboard right now
advertisements on youtube
how my "dont like" list is always way longer then my "like" list. makes me seem like such an unhappy person

I'm gonna go ahead and end this torture now. I promise better blogs in the future. TGIF, time to GTFO.

Video:

The Dead Weather is awesome. Really, everything Jack White does is awesome. Well I don't know everything he does, but his music is good. Like the last blog, if there's anything you do read or watch in this entry I hope it's this. So, so great. If this doesn't get your toes-a-tappin' or your heads-a-rockin' or other body parts doing various things, I don't know what will. Enjoy!

When Sting retires, will he change his name to 'Stung'?

No, I was not responsible for that humorous play on words regarding the lead singer of The Police. That was one of many great quotes by the incomparable Colin Mochrie. And I thought it was a great way to introduce my last feature on this blog, which will simply be a collection of quotes from various shows and movies. If there's anyone out there (who am I kidding?), feel free to post your own in the comments!

I'm a little disappointed that I didn't find a way to incorporate this Billy Madison quote into yesterday's Rant. In response to Billy's take on the Industrial Revolution, the Principal gave what may be the most remarkable (yet calm) insult ever seen on film:

"Mr. Madison...what you've just said...is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points...and may God have mercy on your soul."

While that may be the best insult ever seen on film, this speech from Planes, Trains, and Automobiles was so nice, you should see it twice. I think this should be your default response to anybody who ever criticizes you, whether it applies to what they said or not. Now that would be funny:

"You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me. I'm not changing. I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get."

On that same note (well, kind of), I think we'd better think twice when we criticize Peter Griffin:

"You'd better watch who you're callin' a child Lois. Because if I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I'll be damned if I stand here and be lectured by a pervert."

Sticking with Family Guy for the moment, it appears Peter really understood Lois when she told him what they could accomplish when they work as a team:

"Because together we can do anything, face any foe, overcome any obstacle."

"Yeah, climb any mountain, rent any video, dial any phone. And not just our phone, Lois. Other people's phones. Decent phones! God-fearing phones! Phones that everybody else gave up on but we knew better, because we were a team! "

Meanwhile, Peter has some choice words for those jerks from the 19th century:

"You know what really grinds my gears? People from the 19th century. Why don't they get with the freakin' program! It's called an 'automobile', folks, it's much faster than a horse!"

Time to step away from Family Guy and move onto the greatest show to ever air on television. We'll begin with some of Colin Mochrie's world-famous "Crap-isms", from the game "Hollywood Director":

"That was so beyond crap that it would take a spaceship 15 years to get to a planet close enough to look through a telescope at the crap it was."

"I believe it was Shakespeare who said, "All the world's a stage and you are CRAP!"

"You know why the floor's so clean? It's because you all sucked!"

"I haven't seen that much crap since I directed that horse laxative commercial!"

The best scenes, in my opinion, were those that took us back to the days of film noir. "Narrate" was my favorite game, here are some legendary quotes:

"But when you kill somone by chopping off their head, rolling them up in a carpet, and burning it... you better make sure they're dead."

"She was playing a game that women and men had played for centuries. Unfortunately, she looked like an open autopsy."

(Laundromat) "I knew he wanted me to go for the clothes. Then he would shove me in, close the door, and put me on high, permanent press. I'd already fallen for that 3 times today."

And, one more batch of Whose Line quotes, the news according to Whose Line:

"Convicted hit man Jimmy "Two-Shoes" McClarty confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field using only 2 small porcelain figures. Police admit that this might be the first recorded case of a "Knick-Knack-Paddy-Whack".

"Our top story today; rock-star Prince has changed his name once again. After changing long-distance carriers, Prince, the artist formerly known as 'The Artist Formerly Known as Prince', will now be known as 'The Artist Who Formerly Phoned with Sprint'"

"60's musical group The Byrds today announced a twenty-four city reunion tour with their new band member, George W. Bush . To save money, Mr. Bush will play both guitar and drums. According to a spokesman, a Bush in the band is worth two in the Byrds."

Video:

I'll go with another musical selection today. This is by a virtually unknown band called "The Big Pink". If you were to read or watch any one thing from this post, I'd suggest this. The intro, I believe, is used for a fairly widespread car commercial. I forget which one. Enjoy!